Hello and welcome to you listening online to this datable program. Advanced communication skills. My name's Matt Kind. I worked for TRW. We are a marketing and management consultancy on the legal sector. We look after we find out more about 68 l. A W We're not law firm. I'm not a lawyer, but I am very much involved in managing development. Now, the keynote serious that we're watching is part off Are these chips to give people like you handy, Shorter version of one of the largest programs we've done communication skills. A couple years ago was a program. I've produced a short version called Getting our message across short of 30 minutes off programming. This one is looking at rather advanced communication skills coming. Understand what it is that goes on people supported by a workbook which runs to some 30 or more pages. Gonna give you a lot more information in there. You can have access to a little bit later on on your see that there's, um, wanted to various bits and pieces you there on your own. But I'd like to introduce you to a range of things to look at here when we're raising our game, getting messages across the other people. So by the end of this session, 2030 minutes or so, you'll be able to understand a little bit about neuro linguistic programming and use it to your advantage. You're able to have a look like I emotion intelligence to connect with people in a more successful manner. Have a look at something called cognitive dissonance. Why that gets in the way Cognitive is about thoughts and distance is where there is a disagreement between what's happening reality on what a person's thoughts are very important. Trying to get a communication going with them. We look at conflict handling. It's being part of the negotiating skills. It's part of persuasion and so forth. Here it's used in context or dealing with conflict, and you look at it in a little bit more detail. If you haven't already done so you have, of course, you repeat that, and then we have a look at influence. It's a major part of negotiating skills. Of course, on again, I'll give you some pointers to some of the content there, but you get to understand what's going on with that simple model of communication may have met it before. Useful reminder. Basically, it's about getting an idea. One person's head person. So here we have this lady on left. She has an idea. That idea may come from an email that she's ready. I did had grown someone, something else said, so that source of information will be converted by her into something. Maybe in this case, Burton words. She's going to speak of phone. It could be converted some type than she thought. They didn't send that down channel in this case, a telephone wire or maybe verbally within wrong. It doesn't matter about why being there, the channel, maybe a communication by a drawing picture putting a frown, a visual communication, e mails, I say. The recipient of that, of course, decodes it. Ideally, the incurring will be in the same language. Both people would speak on that person, then will receive that and think about that. The idea is to get idea from her mind into his mind in exactly the same format with the house. Any distortion here we can see that the two ideas aren't quite the same. A misinterpretation. Why is that noise all the things going on his mind, her mind as well as outside off the office, the woman existing, situated and so forth will get in the way of. So what can we do to improve communication between people and understand a little bit more about what's going on? Well, first, I would like to introduce you to some P. Your programming. Quite a simple concept with the title itself, isn't it's very simple. Essentially, what an LP is about is the foot process that we have that you're a bit, I think, in a language that makes be being issues a second language. I struggle trying to speak French, but it certainly thinking French. But I think in English programming is it instructs, are boarding to behave in a particular way. When we can use this, we understand it to our particular advantage, and that's something I'd like to explore with this program. Now NL pay essentially means that we're using senses five course senses, of course. Well aware. Off sight, sound, touch, smell, taste. So for all the major ones, faras and appears concerned are three of the major senses as well as one other, which is very logical process so visual what we mean when you'll hear people say I don't see what you mean I can't connect with that doesn't look right to me. They using visual language clues Some people say that doesn't sound right. I can hear something wrong with that doesn't ring about on Those are auditory clues. They are thinking in an orderly fashion. There are people using their touch them with feel that you have to take the rough with the smooth. It's those sort of touch clues in their language that you think they're all those. Of course, that will use digital. That doesn't sound logical to May. That doesn't add up for a miracle. Logical that way? No, If you are, as you probably heard, solicitor, did you more thinking Well, and that may mean that you question this now. What you can find in the notes is way of evaluating your own thinking preferences to decide which ones you tend to use, and you'll see the notes various ways off establishing from there and again, you'll find it. Storing notes are the sorts of language clues people using to establish what they're thinking. Preferences are, and you could dip into that find out a little bit more about yourself, but also, more importantly, find out more about how as well once you tune into and you know what your thing preferences are, you can find out what thinking preferences are we work with and then use your language to better connect with people. I know I'm very digital in my thinking, but equally I know that my secretary uses very visual clues in her early. So I will say, Let me show you what I mean. Does this look right to you? Does this appear? Has it dawned on you? I para five. Is this a bit foggy? Allow. Those are visual clues and I can connect with her. She'll understand better. So quite a useful, that little tool to improve your communications. Moving on? Probably in What about emotion? Intelligence? Well, a very simple text by Daniel Goleman shown here on screen is how to connect with people using emotional intelligence and emotion. Intelligence is a very, very strong basis off intelligence. Now your basic intelligence, your visual spatial numerical language intelligence is a particular level, but there are plenty of other intelligences, one of which is slightly different than that is emotional How notes here Geigy, through the linguistic, logical mathematical musical bodily, wants spatial awareness. And then there's being able to be aware other people's feelings and did your own self man. It's now unlike being I couldn't improve. My musical intelligence is what I was born with nature basis. But motion intelligence is something that is can be learned. So what is it all about? Well, in communication terms notes there is the classic iceberg yes, benefits about the surface, but there's a lot of it been low the surface of what emotion intelligence about his understanding. The under lying for processes that people have on it is something that, within notes, produced a very useful tool for you to evaluate your own ability to connect with people at ING emotion. So what is the benefits to you off developing emotional intelligence? Well is this suggests here that not only get better decision making communication of people that stress people better performs people the ship from people your own personal will be pending, which in turn can reduce staff turning, says a lot of things going all there with emotional intelligence. Let's explore a little bit more detail on in this to help you through the understanding, first of all, is the degree to which you recognize what makes you stressed. How do you get stressed? How do you stress? I found this very stressful to recall these online, with new version camped Easier software that using is extremely slow on doesn't allow me to respond faster. I want to when producing this aware of that, but I hope you feel overcoming it appear to stress to you self regulation liken. Then deal with those feelings of frustration on that's very cold working environment such as you do dealing very stressful circumstances. Clients so self awareness, self regulation and then being able to manage those emotions in service particle. The goal here for me is about putting together a good program for you. Good programs for days, a little open, by the way, getting paid for doing so. There's three there. Remember the acronym A R N awareness regulation motivation. So arm yourself with emotion Dungeons, then having a little bit of empathy to or sensitivity to other people's feelings very difficult. Empathize on this. You've been saying problem, sympathize, sensitivity to between away. I can understand why you should feel angry. I would if I felt that way recognized. That will be unreasonable behaviour. Have a response. You can empathize with people getting frustrated because you two will be frustrated. Maybe not the same things that you can empathize with anybody, Uh, has particular emotions and then be ableto handle managed intimations another's social competence and the social skills to be a deal. So that is your bag, and that is something you'd like to explore in more detail. Then have a look at the notes, part emotional intelligence, and that's you Remember it. If you've been through the longer program, want communication skills been on the deck? While One thing I think is really quite interesting and his new material is about cognitive dissonance, and this is where we have two or more contradictory ideas, Beliefs or man U's on, we are much more comfortable with company lies, as the cartoon demonstration on the screen shows L. The unpleasant truths cognitive dissonance is the thought processes that we have that are in conflict with world as panicked. So let me turn to illustrate the cognitive dissonance people have between thought and that the there are these adjustments that people make between what they're thinking, what they're actually doing on. I'll illustrate this with something. Apologies for those of you that don't drink alcohol, but there are those Do you may see this from a point of view off the difficulty people have between what they're thinking, what they're actually doing. The first thing is that I have uh huh, a relationship between what I'm thinking on what I'm doing. There is some constant between his relationship between two thoughts and they are consistent. So example I've got is that somebody says, I'm driving tonight. I'm gonna border Pellegrino sparkling water. And I'm not gonna drink wine on that will be perfectly consistent between the relation between my thought there d There are those that say that they've got an irrelevant relationship between the thought beat. An example illustrated here is somebody says, Well, time, this is my wine drinking shirt. Therefore, I am drinking. Why, that's umbrella relationship. But they'll use that as a way of getting a consistency between four. They're all those that have, um, at the thoughts. Indeed, they're inconsistent. There's that dissonance there, not believing that relationship. And that is to say, I am not gonna drink too much wine tonight. Dead walking a glass of wine, they bottle in a What is the sense in that? So what we're seeing here is three different ways that people will take on board information that you give him. Either. They're thinking, Yeah, you couldn't that information. I'll stick with that. That's a constant relationship. They understand it. Then they make an unrelated action. Thought Related said, I know what you're saying about drinking, driving, but this is wine drinking shirts. It's there for OK or thirdly, Well, one glasses. Okay, that's good for major depression, which is therefore inconsistent with the idea of not drink driving. So I hope I've explained that well, and you want to explore that a little bit more detail. You'll find that information within, but let's turn to something more every day. There's that reduction. This is reducing the distance between thought. I'm taking here, the example off eating doughnuts. I happen not to like them. That's I never have done. But there are people didn't quite enjoy a don't know from time to time. We have different ways in which people relate to, so they may in fact, changed behavior. Is that Ali? No more office don't. Therefore, they know that eating doughnuts isn't gonna do good. Really? It changed behavior, all the thinking to make sure that things match, which is all to the good. However there will be. People will take a slightly different view and they will justify that behavior sold by changing the car. I am allowed to conflict on my guy every once in a while. So having do not movie okay this time, So therefore they'll reduce the conflict they have. So they may in fact saying, Well, I'll spend the next 30 minutes down the gym to work off this extra donor. But I'm eating so they justify their behavior or their thoughts. But adding new thoughts too. And there are those who actually say Well, actually hang on a minute does not serve find within a high factual who thought that anyway. In other words, they more or deny any information which flicks with existing. So the wine drinking example earlier on the doughnut eating example here, What I've tried to illustrate is the way in which people will take a boarding to make sure that you give them on try and deal with it in a variety of ways. There may be that I hear what you're saying, but I'm not behaving that way. I have that cognitive listen on an everyday example just by pinching off here. Is that people that I don't drive badly? I don't have accidents? I've not been involved in accent. Therefore, I don't need to wear a seat belt. And that is what existed for a very long time before Seat Bill wearing became an absolute necessity by yeah, changing the world. Grab a seat belts. Okay, well, that's mental conflict people have. Let's look at dealing with conflict itself now. As I've said before, this has been dealt with a lot of detail within the Communication Skills program. It's in the negotiating skills programs, Wells communications, all those areas. But if you want to explore some more detail, haven't done so. Then explore the notes and you can get Thomas Killman conflict mode Instrument Is there questionnaire to explore which ones you favor, which don't favor? Are you able to happen differently on which ones do you use where for best effect? So very quickly? Let me summarize and remind you off this it's been there's two dimensions off conflict. One is the degree to which we cooperate or not with the with the other person on the degree to which would push your own agenda assertiveness. The degree to which we put a conservative view. No, what? We have a five areas foreign, Gordon's one in the middle. So what collaborative This is where it's cooperative and assertive. And that, of course, is great if you agree with the other person. If you get your point across, collaboration is good on that. Of course, it's a good place to use. That is, in situations where people on the same page that maybe that somebody wants you to do something that you don't agree with. Client, for example, that you made them to be pushing your agenda, competing with that person and not incorporate perfect vantage. If you're on the side of right and they are inside wrong and you come out on top somewhere in the middle is compromising. Now what is compromising more about? Well, that is when you give up a little to gain in your cooperate a bit, but not all the time, so you'll have that sort of central view that compromising on that reaches a middle ground. And it's good to use that in situations where collaboration is a good thing, you give up a little to gain little. They give up gaming that so therefore works very well. You may feel that there are situations that just aren't worth wearing. Avoid them. What is the point of having a discussion about this? It's not important. Therefore, don't getting bold. I don't do it on Boyd Situation. Well, that's perfect. Valid to avoid things. But do you avoid things that should be dealt with in a different way? That's the crucial thing Last night. Accommodating, accommodating is both cooperative, but its promise it when the boss says jump, you say how high? Okay, that may be accommodated person Reasonable if indeed, that's what's expected of you. But certainly now with these five, as we've been a straight there, Well, what good What the notes point out to you. It's which ones are best used where what other characteristics, often on most importantly, what is the drawback off using any of them too much on not being a flex and use a different one when the situation so really interesting on the notes will give you that opportunity to explore that a little bit more detail. And I found over time by looking at these that myself, that I've developed five better different approaches to it, where I would tend to have been much more directive thinking on you right in their former tended to have been completing end of things. I realize now that I can deal with things and difficult and get better outcomes. Introduce the conflict. I hope that's useful for you now. Influencing naturally enough also falls into communications. We don't really think it comes. Girls Theo Advanced Program here looks at the different ways that people are influenced. How to win friends and influence people is a book by Dale Carnegie worst exploring If you're interested in those areas to look influencing factors, Rock Albini wrote a book on influence on Getting Ones are way on the science. Persuasion was very, very useful. What we look at this is what summarize here. More details and notes. Of course, all the things that influence us, therefore gives us opportunity to say OK, what can I use to persuade people on achieve my particular goals. Now reciprocation is a bit like a You do a favor for somebody, you expect money and vice versa. Of course, that is very, very influential. Commitment and consistency is when people do a little bit, they like to come back and do a little bit more so that commitment consistency, particularly is publicly acknowledged, will be useful in influencing people. It's a technique used to start small and grow. The commitment to that's very influential. People like people. So people a bit like us. Well, we're professionals. We work. Are we play hard? Were a bit like that. You know what's important. You're interested in looking at self improvement. That's why you're watching. You broke this program your bit like me. We like these sorts of things. We'll do together. We like to build report with people, people like people, people influenced by people. So you and I, you listening online probably wonder what you have in common with Old Chap may. Well, we have 20 things, at least in common. We live in houses, were being educated. We've got friends, we've got relationships with other people way, entertain ourselves and watch TV. We go up to socialize we have a lot in common work hard to find out what you have in common. Other people will put you in fairly good instead wrong. Trying to identify what differentiates people that is very venture were influenced by something's about to run out. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Big big sales today closes on Saturday or whatever it might be. We are influenced by the scarcity or availability. That would be very. We like to listen to the authority. Next, experts on a particular subject that course, very influential. You're qualified a person. I'm qualified getting something different lately. Well, I bow to your expertise in a particular area, that is, We like the logical argument logic that takes us from point A to point B to point C. Bringing that case law we bring their evidence will bring that logic, which of course, is placed the airline to expert. But expert authority and power may mean how you dress. People will give more money, lose changed people dressed in me in a party for a car park in the world. People dressed scruffy. We like to be swept along by other people's to use. Hasn't we don't have to be a Martin Luther King, Gandhi or Churchill to have vision enthusiasm being reported across in particular powerful way that again can be something that we need to recognize come quite influential, enthusiastic project. Other people could be brought along. I mean by that. Just on the bottom line of all this is good communication, and I hope therefore, this quick look through communication has given you some thoughts and ideas will help explore improving your communication skills. I'm sure you'll find a lot more and within workbook. But remember that we've had a look at your own request programming and how we can use that to chill in to other people's way of thinking. Emotional intelligence allows us to better connect with people cognitive dissonance in somebody else's mind to what you're saying to them is important to understand. Work out ways to build conflict means you can express your ideas in a way that reduces that internal conflict talking of conflict, conflict between people. Very important, we'll explore very briefly five corps ways of dealing with conflict and choosing the right one in the right situation. Improved matters for you, then look at all those factors that influence others to achieve better outcomes. Well, it's been great fun to review this material to pull the workbook together. I hope you find all those notes. Helpful help, Yuri Going to explore making the full programme on communication skills from days law. Maybe you're gonna go off and have, like, a negotiating skills. You're going to go on and have a look at some of the other programs. Got looking at interaction between people. After all, that's the heart of your profession. Thank you so much for listening. I hope you've enjoyed it. Picked up some ideas. And I do look forward to seeing you on next keynote program From day to day. I've been back kind. Thanks very much. Bye for now.
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