A webinar dedicated to helping you overcome obstacles and furthering your professional development
Hello, Andi. Welcome to this webinar on overcoming potential obstacles the night stand between you and the stellar career path that could and probably should be yours based the concept of this webinar on issues that come up frequently when I'm coaching professional people, which are pregnancy issues around. First Brazilians building confidence. Andi firstly, overcoming imposter syndrome And what I see frequently is people not achieving their full potential because of barriers, often imaginary barriers that they've placed in their own path. So let's see, First of all, what we mean by imposter syndrome. It's one of those phrases where, if I say in a quick half, the group tend to say, Oh, that's may I got asked the other half. Ask water is and then decide they've got it, too. So it was the phenomenon first identified by ah to, um, professors. Doctors mentioned on the screen there in 1978 and it's believed, depends which do you read but probably effects about 70% of both men and women at some point in their careers. There were initial differences in the stats, but they were thought to be down. Latest update in non reporting by man common issues include increased stress and anxiety, imposing impossible standards on yourself, working longer and harder to keep up on holding yourself back, for example, not applying for that promotion or to get that presentation. So how's it defined this? This concept that they researched, published on in 1978 I found a definition from a cough, a conversation, that sort of stage panel, where this comment is attributed to the professor of physics in the competition of archery off, no less on the University of Cambridge. It says this. And pasta Sin Joe, in case you don't recognize its name, is that feeling that you don't belong, that you're only where you are through some clerical or their era, and that one day, probably soon you will be found out. In other words, you're in pasta on the unmasking, with its consequent inevitable embarrassments, and humiliation is just around the corner. And it's very similar quote you be able to find online from well from many people. But for example, Jodie Foster talked about on when she won an Oscar, being sure that the academy were going to come around and ask for it back as lawyers, we can get some assistance and understanding how it feels from the president of the Supreme Court. Baroness Hale's that What am I going to be found out? That's been a perpetual thing in the back of one's mind when I went from primary school to a girls high school, my now going to be found out and be the bottom of class when I go from high school to Cambridge, is it? Now I'm going to the final dialogue. It's on bay the bottom of the class and finally just to dispel the myth. But this is something which only reflect a flits. Women I mentioned for none other than Einstein, he said. The exaggerated esteem in which my life work is held makes me very abilities. I feel compelled to think of myself as an involuntary swindler. So for May, the first step in tackling imposter syndrome is to recognize that it exists, and that affects many brilliant, really brilliant people. Indeed, it's much more likely to affect the talented on the gifted those who have achieved something because otherwise that have nothing to feel fraudulent about. It's quite hard. It's feel fortunate when you are squarely within your comfort zone. Paradoxically, you have to have achieved something to get into the position where you believe you don't deserve it. So effects money affect you. You are in excellent company. I'm that, too. For some people, that's enough when it comes to talking it simply the recognition. But it's a common feeling that it has a name that exists but does not have meaning in and of itself. Sometimes that's enough. I recognize it. A name it I mean fall. I can live with this feeling because it does not reflect balloting, and some people would go even further and see it as a success in itself. Refraining taken to its extreme. They see it as evidence that you out of your comfort zone, stretching yourself, achieving great things. Try to emphasize, see if it works for you. But for others on particular cases, where pasta cinder syndrome has specific consequences, more work is needed. So let's look at some become of features, which go beyond that nagging voice in your head at that says you're in the wrong place. We've mentioned some of those consequences already increased stress and anxiety. If you think you're going to be found out that can understandably make you anxious. What people often do is overcompensate, so they imposed impossible standards on themselves. Perfectionism is a very common feature of imposter syndrome who worked longer and harder to keep up. They review the draft five times instead of two because they don't accept that they've got that ability and they sometimes hold themselves back, for example, not applying for a promotion. But we look at that in terms of confidence later on. How do you address it? I see it really as an ongoing process of data collection and analysis. So, for example, here was an exercise that I've used in workshops that you can try perhaps after this weapon out. Imagine that you have been charged. We've been being at a pasta. They've actually come knocking on your door. To get that Oscar back, you need to produce a statement to defend yourself against the charges. So take an a four piece of paper or the equivalent onscreen. Unless to your strengths. Don't stop writing until the pages full page isn't full. Can't use it. You can vary this exercise by creating a list of witnesses that you could call in your favor, but you can't just list them. You want to include them as a witness. You need to include a paragraph summarizing what they would say about you. Harris examples. You might not need to resort to your mom, but if you do feel free, you will not say that you're kind and considerate. It's will. Always people help people out when you have the chance. What a team leader say. Perhaps that your great to getting clients to open up well, that you always make that lines could be professional, personal, academic, whatever works best for you. So keep these pieces of a four paper refer to them when necessary. They are your evidence that you deserve to be where you are. That's a dramatic way of collecting evidence to boost your self belief. You could do it now. You could do it the next time you feel like a fraud, perhaps the next time you really take a step up. But they're also daily. Consistent methods you can use dedicates a notebook or a file on your computer file on your phone. So listing your victories, you're wins, which has a double function as becoming the basis for a very 100 document to use in any internal progress reviews or indeed in any job applications as well. Aziz giving you the added benefit that the next time you feel like a fraud, you just need to open that file on trial. A Change of perspective. Think about the person who recruited you. Think about the person who promoted you or provided you with a reference. What would it say about them if they had made this massive error in putting you in the post? How likely is it really that that recruitment specialist or senior partner Keesee High Court judge lacks judgment? So if you can't believe your own judgments believe there's look around you for other people with great judgment, you have taken active steps to put you away. You are there all people who could give evidence in your favour. Overall, what you're trying to do is create a new story to change that voice in your hats, and you could do that expressly to that way, it has no power. Think about your current story. What is it called could be called Kath isn't good enough to be a top level barrister, or it could be. John is never going to make partner and then think about the story you would rather be starring in Name it. Think about how it feels being in that story. Instead of this one practice being in that story, Try emphasize. There's so much you could do to reframe your current reality to free yourself and allow you to walk a different path on this path, but with a spring in your step. But all of those methods should help with improving your mental states, allowing into itself more fully the fantastic situation in which you find yourself in which she deserved to bay. So what? I'm a practical level. I wanted to address one common trait of those suffering from imposter syndrome, which is perfectionism. Offer leading toe over work, they psychology or the causation behind. This seems to be that if you we think we're not good enough. We keep working on perfecting when those who accept that they're worthy of their seat of the table, simply drawing a line in sons and go home earlier. As with so many things and as we've already seen in this context, the first step to solving this problem is recognising it, realizing that you are consistently going beyond good enough because it's only by recognizing it that you could hope to start to change once you've recognized it. You need to be very honest with yourself about whether that piece of work was good enough before you started that all nighter where there is that those extra three hours after six PM made a real difference whether you could have pressed Send 5 55 I don't think there were easy answers here. It takes some work. They take some real honesty and some hard thinking about what is good enough. You've been telling yourself one thing for so long. I'm not good enough. I need to work harder. This needs to be perfect, that changing it requires a real well, no. But one thing that could help is to think about the benefits your actions always have. Consequences on the perfection of a piece of work is not the only measure of success. The time it takes to create sets is one measure. But aren't you and your happiness just as important? What could you have done with those three hours on how much more productive as an employee G B that after, if you have a needing, had an evening to yourself rather than an evening looking for non existent typos, that strong energy to give it a go. Complete your work. Checketts. Amend, if necessary, possibly check one more time, but then press send without repeating the cycle five times. Maybe start by repeating it twice, three times reduced to a wall. Be brave. The world will not end. So overall I take. But I think it's a fairly realistic feel on imposter syndrome. I recognize that on some level it might stay with May, but I recognize it when it comes to call, and I deploy my coping strategies rather than frustrating myself trying to kill it. Dead ad encourages. Start creating your own approach. Take my quinces, Jerome, and see if you can also live with that. What defeat? The lack of confidence, which I'll turn to now is somewhat different. And then it might proactively stop you from getting into a position where you can start to feel that you're in a pasta. That mark of success we've already talked about I have confidence, really is a lack of self believe that keeps you at one level when you'd rather be it another level. And let's not forget that the element of choice is important. The purpose of these modules is not to drive you into a position where you all follow one path, my old race towards equity partner, rather for you to remove the limitations that might keep you from the path you have chosen. So you holding yourself back, staying in your comfort zone rather than stepping out of it again. I don't claim to the panacea or a magic answer for this one again. It takes work in practice, but here's and points is that worked for May on my clients. Firstly, ask a lot of yourself, but we kind to yourself. Those two things can live together. Start to recognize the voice of your inner critic, the little nagging voice inside your hat, and then work on stopping the belief in every criticism it banks. When you stop believing the criticism, start training it to say positive things. Secondly, you don't have to do this alone. Get help. Think about the resource that you have from colleagues. He'll go with you to networking events so you don't have to walk in on your own. So the friend that always knows the right thing to say to base your confidence, Use those resource is phone those people. Tell them you need them. I make sure, but you're also there for them. It should be reciprocal. Colin. Previous successes, Your memory for your evidence she followed my earlier twice is also a resource. If you're holding us of back for making a job application, remind yourself of your last successful job application. How did you steel yourself to get to that interview? What techniques do you use to give yourself a boost? Get them out so that metaphorical drawer and use them again. But yours, the Australia I'm before is to exercise your confidence muscle. It does not become strong on its own. There's a reason I think that so many way days or corporate team events include relatively scary things, like building a raft and sail a get or rock climbing. He organizes Know that doing something you find difficult boosts your individual confidence levels as well as often building a more collective team spirit so challenges cell. But remember that you picked the level. It might be a salsa class rather than climbing Kilimanjaro, but it needs to feel like a stretch of some kind. Congratulate yourself after you've done it from the next one. This increased confidence will gradually seeped into other areas of your life. The next one. Check your comparison, aumentar Forgive me for making words up. Comparison has been described as a theft of joy for a reason. It's a cliche, but it's true that you could only do you. You've been given a different race to room from everyone else, so don't use the apparent success or social media glow of others to beat yourself up with. You've got no idea what's going on for anyone else. So don't allow your imagination to steal your confidence by making unfavourable comparisons. You may have heard the phrase fake it, but you make it. You may even have seen politicians adopting fairly ludicrous poses with their arms folded on an aggressive look on my face that legs apart. I'm not going to suggest that, but you can find your own ways of boosting your confidence. It might be something that feels trivial, like a particular suit or time or bright lipstick, but if it gives you a boost. Buyer it. Do you feel more confident if you take a few deep breaths before a difficult meeting or default call? Do you find it easy to take cool standing up? Or if you sit up straight and towards the front of your feet, play around with this and have fun becoming a new confident you? No. They need to know that you're a bit now best inside and then finally looking over seven. Work hard and prepare well. The people who are making it look at first less will have done The work on the preparation in 99% of cases is the hard work preparation that makes it look if it lists knowing that you've done everything you can before that presentation or interview on that, you know your stuff, but your body with a valuable confidence boost. I have some thoughts on resilience, which we usually think about as it bounce back ability. Can you get back up when you've been knocked down or simple toughness? You could go in when things a heart, another's give up, but it doesn't mean is floating through life untouched by the consequence of your actions making the same mistake again and again because you're so soft. But it's okay. I know doesn't mean taking to save functions on avoiding risk if that was a well known expression at the bar. But if you don't lose cases, then you're not taken of cases to trial. You're playing it too safe. So the key is not to avoid the NOx, which can provide a lot of learning. The key is in how you manage them. Firstly, check if it is an actual setback check. There is something you need to bounce back from. What about our favorite pieces of advice? Is other people's opinion off you? Is none of your business? No, I don't report this to everyone. I don't think you could do this by yourself, and I believe she probably know about now in collective learning on the value of feedback. But that doesn't mean that you should take the soul feedback form with one out of five more seriously than the 19 feedback forms with five out of five. I say that as a trainer who works a lot with quips, nor does it mean that you should treat everybody's opinion, is having equal validity or that you should imagine other people's opinions. If you turn a funny look in a left from a colleague who works on a different floor into a belief that that person thinks you're rubbish at your job, life will become very hard and you will need a great deal of resilience. So one piece of advice I would give you is to restrict the number of people whose opinion you value. Stop trying to please everybody and find either formal or informal mental walls advisers, colleagues and friends whose opinions you trust. I'd be willing to learn from them as well as taking time to reflection yourself. Your opinion matters, too. I'll take that one step further. If you're going to seek the opinion of trusted advisors, I'll take the time to reflect on your own performance. Don't forget to do so in times of success as well as in times of trouble. It is a very common trait amongst a large subsection of both barristers and solicitors to blame themselves for losses in court otherwise, and to give credit to others to their successes, work hard or breaking that habits start by, recognize it, recognizing it when it happens on practice, retraining that internal voice so overall rather than blindly seeking to be robust in any and all circumstances. I would advocate taking a measured but growth centred approach to both success and failure, learning from all of your experiences. But you on trusted advisors so that you're not defeated by defeat. And I would also suggest that the concept of resilience in the world of careers, the world of personal professional development and in some larger organisations needs a bit my thoughts and a bit more consideration. So let's think about the bigger picture before we leave this topic. Yes, in some circumstances, there is a value in being able to get straight back on the horse to fight back when it feels the world is against you on skid going even when it's hard. Well, the caution. I want to give it simply to remind J that you can adopt a different approach when it's right for you. So don't blindly get back on the horse. Firstly, before you don't write a cop, were not take some time to look after you. Maybe you've fallen because you need a break, some sleep, a change of scene it's a pause and think, What's the next right? Maeve, Before you leap back up, there's a weakness in taking time out for you. If that's the right thing to do with the sole focus in your organization or your team is on pressing on through it could become very unhealthy in the long run. The people you're brave enough to speak up so they need a break gets as much credit as those who keep pushing. You keep getting back up again. And if not, are you creating an unhealthy culture? Of course, different organizations may have a different approach to this, but I would respectfully suggest that if in your law firm or in your chambers the Lord resilience over the characteristics, and that's probably something that would benefit from a review. The second thing to ask about these people on the ground off the holes is Are they taken enough time to reflect and learn before they get up? If not, does that explain why they found themselves in a position from which they need to bounce back in the first place? If you find yourself down or on the floor or whatever metaphor you would like to use pores again. Think about what you can learn from this situation. What has happened? What could off should you have done differently? What went well, something probably looking well, and what else can you learn? These questions could be different each time. Find questions that work for you and then up to an altar than as you see fit. I don't forget to look outside yourself. Also, ask for feedback. Has to help. Is there somebody in your team that could help you to move forward in a sound, sustainable manner or somebody outside a coach or mental if you or your team adona Sloan, Why are you giving? Was a lose resilience, undue credit as a character? Risk it. I have given resilience bungee credit as a characteristic. Thirdly, is it you that needs to put back up? Is it you that needs to keep powered through or does the situation needs to change? Let's think about that one you're working and understand Team. You're doing great work on the resilience that other SI praise is in. You saying later, every night. Come in on Saturday, coming in on Sunday. You know, when you're tired, maybe it's not you that needs to keep being resilience. Make that situation needs to change, and maybe that continuing to work in this way, you are becoming complicity it in supporting an unsustainable system. So what is needed, in my view, is a degree of recklessness, but more importantly, a healthy working culture. Too often we look at saving costs by cutting staff for demanding more of our people. Don't forget the costs of losing those people. I have to recruit and retrain some thinking to do that. Perhaps so, treat resilience with caution with respect. If you're in a position to change things, if you are a leader rather than praising or relying on resilience, why not look at why so much resilience is required in summary. Therefore, I'm encouraging you think. Proactive but method approach to growth. Get to know yourself, your strengths and your weaknesses for interested Mansell's and advisers and be brave enough to step outside of your comfort zone but also brave enough to do it at your own pace. Don't forget to stop to celebrate your successes. Thanks for listening
29:13
