How to Become an Excellent Communicator

Hello on. Welcome to this webinar on communication skills aimed at those working in professional services, especially lawyers, allies who worked with them, minus cabrero. Andi. I practiced as a barrister and independent practice, attacking strangers in Manchester for just short of 15 years before I left. Um, since then I have spent over five years working in training, coaching on professional development. I want money, successful people who from the outside Peter happy. It'll and no, it'll. But history go with something that's holding them back. I mean, many, many cases. What is holding them back is their approach to communication. I say their approach to communication because I think this is something more than communication skills. So commission communication skills, we tend to mean expressing yourself clearly or even eloquently in reality. What I often see is people holding themselves back by avoiding the conversation, presentation or negotiation, avoiding it entirely, or perhaps by putting it off, holding it all inside until they blurt something out about thoughts, plumbing or sensitivity. They're for men. Don't get the results that they want. So our focus today will be on motivating yourself toe have that difficult conversation, and on the planning and preparation that you can dio to ensure that the conversation goes as well as possible In the remaining two webinars in the series, we were looking elements of some specific conversations, such as negotiations or giving feedback, so I'd like to start by either introducing the concept for some of you reminding of its existence furthers to the couple rule. This is a rule in the barristers code of conduct, which prevents barristers from refusing instructions because of any personal or political motivation. It's one of the fundamental pillows of our justice system. That means people accused of the most hideous crimes confined legal representation. Okay, so why do I start? But for our purposes, it is relevance because it shows us all reminds us, but none of what I'm going to ask of you or what you're going to ask yourself in the days weeks, animals following this webinar is impossible. Some of you may be barristers some of you solicitors, but let's remember that you can qualify as a barrister and a short time when you can qualify this lister we as council to a short period of awful job training. So after only one year vocational training and six months for six months of our people. Injun, which we shadow we can stand up, were gone in a crown. Courts on address spoke judge and jury. Those advocates could be perhaps only 22 years of age. So my first message is, if they can stand up and have these difficult conversations so might favor our goals and in order for conversations, been attempting to persuade a judge or jury of your case. If they could do that, so can you. And in fact, doing it is often the easy part. The part where you think, Why did I put it off for so long? It's persuading yourself to do it where people from get stuck. So my message to you in today's webinar is that you need to keep yourself on the hook. Don't let yourself off the hook. Create and stick t your own Capra rule, and you will be the one to benefit from it. But when you have a week when you don't have a wig, how do you do that? You felt bother them for your clients? How do you make that commitment and state to it in coaching psychology under real life, you can have many theories about motivation, but whether it's external or internal extrinsic. But people are self motivated over they. They are motivated by getting toward something or away from something. In practical terms, you will go further and find strength that you didn't know you had and achieve things that seemed impossible. If you work out what is most effective for you when it consider things you're putting off were given a poem. So we're looking at this in the context of communication and in particular having difficult conversations. But these questions can also they applied to the presentation or the job application that you stole. Don't we did many other things in life that we shy away from routinely puts off, so I produce questions coming from two possible goals. The list is not conclusive. As you read through you, these types of questions different ones might occur to you might see more relevant to you. Take some time to jump those down somewhere you be able to find them in a notebook or the back of your diary, and you can then 13 Then the next time you're feeling stuck. The first questions I tend to describe was being positive questions questions with getting you to think about your goal in doing this difficult thing. You're having this difficult conversation, so remind yourself of the benefits. How could it benefit you if you'll or even some of it goes well, how will your life it pretty? How will you work? Reprieve. You're saying, if it doesn't completely, could you learn something? If you take the camera rule to its extreme, what would happen if you were required to acts and one that I found particularly helpful? What could you do if you got out of your own way? How big is your potential if we then turn to questions, which might be described as potentially negative, looking at the consequences of staying where you are and use negative, just freeze of reference? Thes things will speak to you in different ways, and I would strongly urge you not to allow technology to stand in the way of your growth. But you'll see that there's a slightly more negative slants in these questions, such as What do you stopping yourself from doing? What is it that you are tolerating? How does it make you feel American eBay, 23 miles, six months terminals. If you keep avoiding this conversation, remember that silence also. As a consequence, we'll come back to the house. Ask yourself what's the worst that can happen? And if you are feeling very entrenched, she needs to go right back to basics. Ask yourself, Will you still be alive at the end of this conversation? What presentation can you make it through? So part of the point of this process is for you to find out a bit more about you. What motivates she and how you can push more, learn more and challenge law with yourself under this and family on committing to the conversation a few more tips that once more can be played Teoh. Different areas of your life is helpful. It's remember past successes. Time is when you saw the negotiation or presentation was going to go badly, are you stole down it for a long time when in the end, you glad you did it, or at least it goes badly as you thought. You're hits tell the tale actual from now on, collect those successes because otherwise the chances are they will fade from memory starts, keep a record of your strengths, your achievements. One things haven't gone personally rights. And keep your reflections on why it's important to do both and to start to see making mistakes as an opportunity, opportunity to learn largely, but certainly not a stick with which to beat yourself. It's not very common in many questions to actively pursue reflective practice, and it's my impression from the lawyers I worked with the even. Now we have some catching up to do in this area, and we'll talk more about this and other modules about being reflective on becoming an enthusiastic collector of feedback but get started. So now you know how to commit to having the conversation. My last question is, which conversation that may seem without question is the conversation. You've been scenes difficult, the one you've been putting off to avoid confrontation when we've been talking about, we know that, but we do need to know more. Of course, many people have expressed the need to confront him or her about their behavior about meeting or the way they conducted about appraisal. My kinds of finding it difficult. They want some help in stealing themselves to have that conversation. So I asked them, What is it that they want to achieve? What is the purpose of this conversation? Very often I hear that they want an apology. Mm. If it's the principle somebody with over 14 years experience investigation, I could tell you it's almost never the principle. You just need to dig a bit deeper to find out what people really want. Oh, house, what I mean by the principle. How did they defined it? So if we go back to litigation to think about an example, if we stay in the law, let's take the example of an injured person sooner. Hospital for alleged clinical negligence. Often when we dig a little deeper, we found that in reality, what it is they want alongside their compensation, which they need. It's very assured that weapons, then all their family, what happens anywhere else, the systems will be changed or staff retrained. So if we like in that litigation to conversation, it's those extra goals that they would need to be clear rounds the detail. The specifics. Incidentally, there are four goals that litigation and itself can't give them, Although tens of dispute resolution may be able to. All those girls might be pursued alongside the litigation, which in itself is likely to simply evolved our money. We'll come back to that when we talk about communicating with clients, finding out what they really want. So if you decided that what you really need to dio is, ask your manager for a pay rise. You may think you've talked with this bit already. You're identified. Outcome is an increase in the amount paid into accounts each month. Yes, how big do you want that increased debate? Is it really the money he wants? Or do you just think that you're undervalued for what you did? Would you be happy with the same pay but reduced hours or responsibilities? And that's look another example? A more ambiguous one. I came across in a coaching context X We Shall Cooler had been aggrieved about how she was spoken to inheritable appraisal, been praises who were both in a position of power over her. Haven't prepared, She said it brought forward on substantiated allegations and refused to answer questions when challenged. Their record of the appraisal X felt was inaccurate, and as far as she was concerned, the working relationship had been damaged beyond repair. We'll make slow this further. It became clear the X was bruised by this account encounter. It was this Phil affecting her, several on some she wanted to. These are her words tackle big gushing. But she wasn't clear about what she wanted to achieve. Words like apology, recognition acknowledgement, cats coming up. But what was lacking was any clear idea about how she wanted to feel after the conversation. What was the point of having the conversation if she wasn't clear about desired outcome? Indeed, what was the point of an apology if it was dragged out kicking and screaming So further questioning allowed X to work through the anger towards the Patrick all we established that what she really wanted to make certain specific points. The Garden issue raised with appraisal for the evidence she had collected on these points to big knowledge on vessel specific, measurable changes to the appraisal system going forward so that these things didn't happen again. Taken together, these results also lead to a bigger outcome that's have been able to continue to work alongside their praises in their respective roles within the company. So here are some questions to help you pin down the purpose or mission of your conversation, your business. You campaign again. These tools of the rights of uses stop, I say All right thing. What is that you want? And then work through the questions either alone but with a coach for supportive college colleagues? Ari, until you've added as much clarity as possible. Okay, ask yourself. Can you be more simple? Can you be more specific on the useful light to think about it is, well, you know when or if you've successfully concluded your conversation Well said Everything it is you need to say. Is there a Claire and want in mind? What are some that have been one question. How will you know when the conversation is over? It is always worth having in mind this a festival conclusion to the conversation. If we're seen, you're not looking forward to this conversation that you've had to use some of our earlier questions to motivate yourself into having the conversation, then the last thing you want to dio is 20 having the conversation twice clarity about what you want. Ultimately, I mean, they only happen to do this wolf or at least only having to broach the difficult subject wants. You may, of course, need to have a serious of discussions or trial periods or negotiations before you could be set to achieve success. Author taken as far as she can, but you need the subject to be clear before those trials and discussions continue. Okay, so let's look at one further example about a fairly current topic off flexible working, happening to a greater or lesser extent in many organisations. If you wanted more flexible working on, your bosses said, Yeah, that's a great idea. Do you really have? Yes. What do you have a. Yes to Can you now work from home? One of you choose. How does the boss thing You were just talking about the working day, your working hours, other. Any limits on the flexibility? How does anything else needs to be in place? She needs superfast broadband at home, for example, or specific GDP are measures. But will the situation be reviewed to assess its success? You need to know bounces. You want to those questions before you start the conversation. So now you're committed to having the conversation and, you know, with absolute clarity what the purpose of the conversation is. Do you still men have the conversation straight away borrowing an emergency situation dance? It's a baskets almost always know another assistant theme I see this time in workshops and that I have around managing difficult conversations. Is that the degree of forethought and preparation prior to a conversation, I can almost always be correlated with the results. In other words, more preparatory work you do, the more likely you are to be successful. So what was good preparation look like? Firstly, considered the setting for your conversation. Oh, okay. I've got scores. This is time Place at four Forum sounds a little bit like I'm sending you to ancient Rome. But in reality, it would be foolish to talk about communication in the 21st century without including digital come communication in our thought processes. But I leave head. Let's look at these in turn time. What would be the best time for this conversation by my both you and the person you want to speak, Teoh being your best fresh free from destruction rules And what time to listen if you look hard to find perfection here But you can at least of all, shattering the conversation on a Friday afternoon. Oh, the first day back from holiday and then place. Where would be the ideal location for this conversation? Popular psychology would suggest that you would want this to be on your turf. What do you feel comfortable? But dont know Mike Knox be ideal for your situation. Would you, in fact, prefer that person you want to speak to? Feels comfortable and at home? Would this make the more receptive to what you have to say? Would you both feel that so in a public place such a cafe or hotel lobby? This could be a good idea if you're concerned about the matter becoming heated. Being an open public place If I would be much safer, in fact, have been in somebody's office. And for some people, being side by side in a car or what's walking along makes the conversation seem less confrontational and allows people to speak their mind more freely. 740 Does the conversation have to be face to face or even Orel protect telephones into account? The modern lawyer is probably a skilled in written advocacy, as they are a normal efficacy. So if you would feel better able to express yourself in an email or letter report at least as a starting point, why not do it? Very mind? But it has many advantages. Time to think, until edits so ideas could be articulated fulling. However, a lot of meaning can be lost or misconstrued when your thoughts are reduced to writing on interpreted by the recipients. There's also a very real temptation to ignore that. Time to think. I am so just press send. We don't even have the walk to the postbox so slow us down anymore. Useful compromise might be to set out an email or documents the parameters for the discussion as you see them. What do you want to talk about? This has the advantage of allowing your opposite number some thinking time. We can probably agree that nobody likes to be ambushed on. It can be a useful checklist as the conversation progresses for you to make sure you're covering old about points. Once you've done what you can to ensure the up to the time face and for him for your conversation, you can turn your attention to the company, one of the key features Have an advocate submissions on behalf of the clients. If tell them you should a judge, perhaps the jewelry, how much in once and tell them why they should give it to you. So, having already clarified what it is that you want, you can now turn your attention to why they should give it to you. Ideally, in the modern world, you're working towards the win win situation. So, to put it simply, what's in it for them? For example, if you're asking for a five day working weeks to be condensed into four days old, built with three of your five days at home, how will this benefit your employees? As with your own objectives, you will want to be clear and specific. No fag on bully. Learn from the lawyers here, too. Learn from what you do in your day job. Where was the evidence? But what you are proposing will lead till win win situation. Think about this carefully and think about it with a wide open mind. You will want to be able to give specific examples. You cannot backwards forwards. I know what's figure. Examples. How is this worked or not worked in the past. How might you, collectively, you and the other party be able to measure whether it's working in the future? And when do you suggest that assessment could and should take place? How is this worked elsewhere? Or in different scenarios? What evidence can you bring to show this? There's a great deal to be said for keeping the content of the conversation as simple as possible. There is no need to complicate. This is what I want, and this is why you should give it to May with and you might be thinking X. So to that, I would say Why, oh, any today is get your message across, keeping it simple and providing some evidence pulls. A big part of any conversation is listening. It is unlikely that the person listening to you will do so in complete silence. They may have their own objectives to achieve. They may be shocked or surprised by what you had to say on the highly likely things have questions bullying. So whilst I don't recommend leading with them or anticipating them out loud, you will probably do a lot better in the conversation itself. If you've done some work on anticipated objections in their fronts. Here are some things for you to consider what questions you're likely to face in this conversation, and in particular, if you on your side of the conversation, can you see it from their perspective, What would you want to know? What would you be interested in? What questions would you ask? How can you show that you recognize the other person's concerns on that? You take it seriously. What comforts can you offer the other person affairs they have unjustified Back to your evidence? And is there any evidence, information or data that you can kal eight off her in advance to meet anticipated objections? Have been aside, I would say You should never be afraid to ask for more time. But in the conversation, a promise I fulfilled prominence to combat with further information is not above thing at all. But if you can deal with the whole thing among go, you'll be limiting the amount of difficult conversations you need tohave. So now you should be ready to Pam and have that conversation I was she look. But before I leave you to that conversation, I will just cover some advocacy tips that you can use in this conversation own. Any other scenario where you fail your communication skills might be challenged. They're from the courtroom, but the usefulness doesn't end there. You've already heard the 1st 1 which is to tell them what you want and why they should give it to you. As I've recommended in this section, I've honed the advocacy tips down to the most essential of those skills. I've tried to follow lion advice in that God, I heard about you to do that to you. The first of them tell night, not wholly follows, for the purposes of this weapon out is that nothing improves with repetition. You do not strengthen your argument simply by saying it again. Don't stop mad. Nor do things improve with putting. Simplicity is the key. Don't add in and irrelevant considerations because you feel you need to lengthen the conversation. Andi, you will hear many layers go further than that. With this next slide, whole new arguments don't throw the kitchen sink of the problem. If you have a fabulous arguments, which is denoted here by this delicious piece of chocolate cake, the person receiving that's having their appetites wet. It will not be assisted by having rubbish. I shall say served up alongside it. It goes better on its own. It can stand alone if it is of sufficient quality. A member listening. It's a dying art. Some might say I would urge you to really listen. If you prepared well enough, you can focus your attention on listening because you aren't having to think about what you want to say. Next, you don't have to respond. In another second, you have time to listen and formulates. Response starts practice this. You will be amazed by how it can improve the quality of your communications and your conversations. So those are a few advocacy tips from the courtroom. What I would urge upon you finally is to take your hard work of the mountains. Spend some time after any significant event, including a different conversation. So ask yourself some questions to think about whether you handle that conversation as well as he could again. You want to tailor these. I like to ask myself what went well, perhaps even what went brilliantly on what I'd like to do more off. You can also ask yourself what could have gone better. And how and then ask yourself if you need Teoh. Which part of that conversation and preparation should never really happen again? That's how you learn. There's no need for the big stick. Take a learning and take it forward. Thank you for listening on and in a further manure modules, we will look at specific scenarios, including in the bird module, Communicating with clients. No, thank you. Goodbye.