Getting Your Message Across

Hello. Welcome to you. Listening online to state law program is keynote serious where we're running a shortened versions of some of our other programs to give you some over abuse. This one is about communication skills getting your message across. My name is Matt Mukai. I worked video. Don't be limited and door bore is the marking on training consultancy. We have formally sector the keynote serious that we created here with Days Law is just that to give you a very quick overview 2030 minutes worth of recorded program backed up by unedited workbook to help you get more information about Secretary Now, it may be that you have seen the Communication Skills program three hour training program with data law. This, therefore, is a useful refresher. It may be that you come to this first fresh Andi. I hope that this will pique your interest to want to go on to look a little bit further. Communication skills within the keynote, Siri's you may be aware that the vast communication skills is the next step from this again. It's a 2030 minute bite size chunk off information to help improve communication skills generally. So what we need to do on this program. What are those learning? Well, by the end of this program, what we hope you being do is to understand what communications about we look at the fundamentals of it. Look at where we learn communications, Children, what could gain from understanding what they go through, as we did when we were learning to speak first formative years on? Get some ideas about how we can improve our communication skills. One of things that really powerful. Getting your message across courses being able to identify identify the way other people thinking how look, those thinking preferences. No, I'll go very quickly through this, but we do look, it's a lot more detail on that communication skills program. If we could understand what the fundamental thinking is, or other people we can become more effective in our communications. Is it going to be more effective to suggest an idea or propose an idea or explore what the differences are like? The outcomes of those two different approaches might be as example. Part of communication isn't just what we say, but actually what here, so listening more effectively is very important in order to get your message across. Don't explore, want to ideas, and finally, we'll finish off. We're looking at assertiveness to make sure that you are assertive in your communications, pushy, that be aggressive or indeed being submissive in shape for getting a good platform to put your message across. So without further ado, let's get into that. Do you remember there is workbook access online as well, and have a look at further information, right? Let's start by understanding fundamentals of communication to people speaking here over the phone, she was stalking him. What's going on? Well, a simple model communication be that she has an idea in her head on. That idea may come about thought from a suggestion from somebody else, something from imagination or experience, that source of ideas. And then what she will do is to formulate that code it into something here She's talking so which you encode it into English for. The other person understands English two or any other language since appropriate between two people. What may be encoded in some written format email but may be encoded, but she draws a picture. But let's just assume it's a conversation, so that will then be transmitted through telephone wires here on then that will be decoded at the destination. My struggle quite badly. We're trying to understand French. I do understand a lot more than I could say, but I must refer to decode English than I would a friend once I decoded a piece of information received, then put it into context. But he has nose off this individual beforehand. What contact is there with his own ideas and values are on. That idea, then is transmitted into his mind from hers and that she would see they are site slightly different. Different sort of typeface difference shading and all those sort of things go on and therefore isn't quite what she said. It seems there's a little bit of loss between the two. Where's this loss occurring? Well, it's what's called noisy communications. What's getting in the way off her clear thinking? Is she thinking about what else needs to be done? She climbs. That works. Do you think that was going on outside of work when there's communications? Put through Hey may have noise in his office. She may have noise in her office. All those things getting way off communications as much as he turned his thinking about his boss when he has to do his clients and so on, so forth. That's really why we, despite many tens of thousands of years with verbal communications in the language, we still don't seem to be getting it quite best boots as we like to. So we need to identify what goes wrong. We start by looking at the developed off conversation between people, so let's understand what it is Children do in order to become conversant with conversations. So what's going on? The fundamentals? Off communications? If you've ever observe a job at Children younger siblings, then you'll recognize whole variety. Different things get on as a an individual in the first year or two's dance to learn conversations, dance community. So what are those from its well funded minutes of complications? Startup like enjoying being people on? I think I think there are people that I prefer to be with others, but enjoying being peak, of course, is one fundamentals to communication. Why do we enjoy being with people? Because we have a conversation, So if we are thinking about communications, then are we attending toe? Others are doing saying feeling thinking, because that will help us understand what's going on when they are communicating with us. Therefore, when we respond, we can respond, probably get our message across. What is our ability to concentrate? What is our ability to listen to what somebody else is saying before we put a point across and we are finding, Of course, you'll be familiar with this as I am. But in our multi channel, always on my mind. Communication mediums that we have concentration attention span adults is actually declining because we have been so much information so quickly, and this has a consequence on us. Get a message across what a conversation is. Getting your message across is a secret activity with another person. So if you want to get your message isn't about pinning the areas back. It's about pin your ears back to understand what's going on here. We also eyes well, you're observing, listening, understanding what's going on. Then you follow a logical sequence to get your message across. They're four to learn very quickly. It's about taking turns, exchanges of information, behavior, but obviously very fundamentally body language. So this personal space close, we get to other people far away, well off other people having quite an impact on those communications we have with that. Of course, there's no verbal communication. Elements are also very, very poor. Yeah, that's a really good idea. No, I can see that working. It's conflicting, isn't it? Shaking her nodding hedge. It doesn't make sense. So we have those things. The vocalizations, youth, the inter nations in our voice are, of course, very important communications. We are giving the right sort of mean I can slow it down if I want to appear more assertive and raise my voice course, I can chatter along very lighthearted, a lot of shaking my shoulders and arm waving. I wanted to change the same words and I've got so those intonation to become vocalizations on. Inter nations were therefore learning to regulate and control the degree to which were giving potentially drones program listening example. But what we do in conversations very quickly that what we say has in effect what they say hasn't affected cause and effect with language is a very important element. And there are some 40 people who don't have the cognitive skills to understand that there is an underlying pathology Europe problem that isn't not enable people have that clear cause and effect conversations on. Of course, we always have back anticipation doing something. Waiting for this. So reflecting on those picking up some of the notes, of course, within the workbook suggest, could help to flesh this out a bit further. So some of the fundamentals on communications, if you want to put our message across it's really, really helpful to understand how other people are thinking. We're gonna have a look a couple of ideas very quickly. This keynote Syria's looking at what it is that people doing what's going on in their mind. It's no intended to be a great piece of psychology but will explore the interactions between adults. The interactions that enormous ego states in life position got just to be a few thought tonight, years and some clues about the sorts of things that are quite worth exploring in this particular area. Let's start first, we had something that's come from, uh, transactional analysis. Looking at way, achievements interact. It's called a pack. You may recall many, many years ago, in my case, less so probably yours that we were once Children on as Children. Life was good. We then never to leave. As time went on, I grew up became adults somewhat. Others, of course, some men like myself never really become fully adult. We really have to on as we become older adults, we may take a parental stunts. Doesn't mean you have to have Children. We may become more senior in a workgroup. More just comes with age that people might turn to us for thoughts and advice and still so well. That's very simple progression in life and not great. No great surprise. This three levels here itself invited. If we look at parents or those managers or more senior position, there will be those that may be critical. You're doing that wrong. Let me show you right or they may be very nurturing. You're doing very well coming on. Well, let's look at that again, to to science hope that parents tinkle motivation. Cleary may come within that adults or adults, of course, and the Children we maybe two types child Children may be free and fun loving and exploring and natural Children can also be fairly adapted or truculent. Do is the total, but they want to So what's all this about? Well, let me put this on adaptation of this that I've taken in one text that I wrote on motivation. 17 Confidence building people. What happens is that in your workplace, life is good conversations. They had a plan out. What time to leave the meeting? Two o'clock. That's good. We'll get there for three Adult conversations on Life is good then there's no problem in that. But sometimes people choose to be changing their position from being adult battle. What time should we go to the meeting? Why you asking me? I don't know. Your driving will be a child like response from the other person. It may be you ask the question. What time shall relieve that meeting On the parental side that the other person takes over and says, Well, there's been holed up in the roundabout. There the roadworks. Such a passionate need a little bit early. What have you so very simple? Model taken here, The adult white orchids. Good. But what happens is that if somebody chooses to swing up to parent will down the child, it obliges you to swing the way. So if they are saying they're being parental you made spawned by beings. Okay, I'll go with you. You're you know more than I did. If somebody is being very child like to turn that you become rental when you ask them what time to leave. Why you asking me driving? Look, don't worry about it. I'll drive really that this time. So these imbalances that have caused by the transactions between people cause some of the conflict. So, being aware of this particular, you can spot people being averted or verbal child on what you need to do. If you see people moved, one of these ego states is to say, OK, I'm not play that game. Mets they adult. So using the same example, you asked what time? Believe me, why you are asking May you're doing driving. You just don't OK willing to no problem and not get drawn into being caring, nurturing or in critical as a parent to this rather childish behavior. What you're asking for equally if something's being a book parental towards you, blinding to be childlike well again. You just agreed when she followed. Obviously you'll find the jaw of your junior solicitor More senior person. Boston. He or she is in never to be going to be parental in some guys because that's how he or she will supervise you and the degree to which you choose to child like worth exploring quite an interesting model to get a handle. One of the other ones that I thought was quite interesting is the way that people behave. It's called the OK Corral, and you'll see why in a moment. And it's a sort of life. Positions that people take is between May on one side and you on the other. Now the worst thing for us to be it's the situations I can't cope your paper. This is awful. We can't survive. Mathematics can occur if people don't feel as if this confidence cure comfortable what we've got on, they therefore unable to be able to cope with particular situations. A variation on that is I don't know what to do. You're the clever one. I wish I could Like you get this is position of people. Take the icon. You therefore have to another word. They want you to take a decision. Maybe they think that they know is thinking Well, I'm OK. You're not OK you're doing it wrong. Give it to me. Parental sort of responsibly will taking their particular stance. But that again isn't very helpful. Because that could be damaging to your self confidence If I didn't tell you that you are. You can't. Finally. Of course, The best one is that Yep. You and I both Okay, You've got something to add. I've got some. Well, between us, we're gonna manage. Just so think about the dialogues that you have with support stuff with your peers, with your senior people on. Determine whether it's the I'm okay. You're okay. Stuff you take or whether there is some view taken on somebody out some other person's ego state. And then you see the best way to operate is I'm OK. You're OK? Because then your messages get across in an adult fashion where big aren't feeling put down, upset put upon or indeed that you in turn, want them to run around and look after you. Wipe your nose. I'm OK. You're ok is going to get your message across quite strongly. So what are those fundamental people skills? Well, on the main program communication skills will sex areas. We have to do with trying to understand the situation. We're in therefore, that modify how we put our message across. We look at the establishing realistic objective for that dialogue. Take example From there, we will then look out the different ways in which we can express things. We've got nine we could look at, go through those in a moment and then to say Okay, well, what we do having understood what those nine components are in which ones most appropriate for a particular situation, find ourselves in to get our message. Trust. Can we shake other people's behaving? If we could do that, they maybe get something control monitor of both ourselves on how others behave in that interaction between people. Is he analyzing the situation and something looked at before on we talked about the various models, but six questions here. You, of course. It is the matting and complex to do with some legal matters. Straightforward routine. Where we gonna go for lunch? That's saying you more senior, they more senior, Have you got a couple seconds to have a conversation? Water cooler? Is it going to be meeting from our To what degree do you have to commit to the outcomes. What's the problem if there's something wrong in the communication on our return to communicate one on one or the small group department? So how doesn't think. Think about that to add to what we talked about with the pack model range people interaction the OK Corral Regan states that people have quite a complex area, but nonetheless quite a lot within that to think about what we're trying to do when we're trying to have those conversations. What about trying to establish a realistic objective between two people? So maybe you're going to be client facing. Maybe you're going to meet somebody first time. What would be a realistic objective, maybe, of networking young lawyers group in your city? What would be a realistic objective? And you might say, Well, OK, let's say I want to build report this person. That's what I want. Do you meet something first time? What could I do to build report? What would I want to do on how we know we're getting reports? So we might set some parameters to How will I know? I've got on with somebody. Maybe they'll ask me questions about things. Maybe its client facing they opened up about a particular issue or problem. Personal details, family situation, whatever it might be in a commercial situation, maybe exchange business. So I've gone into a was at a conference on the Friday before Kim, where Holiday just recently met somebody there and I only met a coffee, but with nine less than 90 seconds, probably about a minute we've been able to recognize we have a lot in common and exchanged business cards. We have since media followed up that business contact. So it is something you can put into practice very, very quickly to establish an objective completely different if you're gonna be a client meeting from our off course. So look at it from those points of view. Why haven't objective Well, you know when you're getting there when you're actually being achieved. So those things to be particularly poor, what are these key parameters when it comes to looking at the verbal Well, what happened here? I've been working with somebody who's twisting expert on he doctor crosses his name, actually think so. There isn't pull his leg about it unmercifully by a very amusing. But it's not you, Dr Cross was talking about the the verbal communications have exchanged me, he said, introduced it to nine. I said, Why 99 is probably even managed to remember and he's probably right because I'm not a doctor. So what are the nine core parts of diable conversation? Well, even represented as this first of all, seeking ideas. Where should we go? She's very straightforward, seeking idea state. Then there's two ways off responding to that. It could be that there's a proposal. Why didn't you go to Greg's? Or it might be? How do you feel about Greg's? One is proposing one in suggesting they're different in terms of their outcomes. It may be somebody says where we're going to go for lunch. They want to build on that. Well, let's go together. Why don't we go into you? They build on it. Way to go for lunch. I haven't got time to go for lunch today. Disagree? It may be, Yeah, good lunch. It's a good thing. Let's talk about a little bit later. That support that notion is no idea supported. Agreeing with it. Building is adding to its sporting is agreeing. Fairly straightforward, obvious so far. Okay, so What are the other three? Well, one of which is saying, let's go for lunch. No can go for lunch. Too much off stating difficulties. Can't do it now can work. No agreeing, not disagreeing. Just saying these difficulties. So, uh, those of the particular different approaches work have then to seeking or giving clarification. So analyzing down to these areas here on in the communication skills program, we looked in quite a detail on we had some doctor crosses research studies which said, Okay, what response is going to get if you suggest an idea what response you're gonna get, you propose an idea, for example, Clearly they're going to be a little bit different. So by looking at these nine to you, if you're sitting on listening to conversations, you're seeing that they form these rather straightforward core. When you're analyzing what we're doing breaking down this in this way, we can see that there's ways of getting all ideas cross because when we're able to do that, we can say, OK, I know what I could use. I know what other people using like respond, according then we can control our behavior. We would say, Okay, well, Let's look at the next meeting that I do what I do. What is the difference between putting a proposal for a suggestion for what is the effect of stating difficulties without actually disagree? What my ending. You look at these. Look at the information workbook exploring in detail and decide which ones to use, because you can begin to shape other people's behavior in the dialogue, which you have quite obviously seeking years. 90% of people like give you some ideas. They can explain or inform abuse of information. Seeking clarification. Seek something's ideas. One gun for lunch. Is that lunch today, or is it lunch later this week? Did you know that when we have lunch together on Tuesday, whatever it might be seen so you can get those of dialogues going? The difference between building disagreeing supporting that stated difficulties, those four in middle really quite important when something puts on idea across this proposing that suggesting are if you propose something you're more like define there will be people will disagree with it. But if you suggest idea it doesn't feel that you are taking issue, they have some flexibility. They may be built on it so different things that are going on there, and you begin to shape other people's behaviors by changing between proposing on suggesting looking dollar between people is interesting. How these were actually used, these components conversation. It's that meta programs could be used to government, particularly habeas in other people. So when you're next to the meeting and then you haven't anything to contradict promote to just think about what's going on around you. There's a few things you might think who is putting forward because it's who is suggesting who builds on other people's ideas, whose seeks clarification. Who just keeps quiet him says nothing. What responses to people give one of those nonverbal signals. Look a TV soap opera or something like that on turn the volume and see how much you could follow. What's going on in the scene. Just brother. Normal little signals being used. Look at what's going on around. You begin to monitor what's going on because from there you could think about your own behaviors. What am I doing? What am I responding? What if I was seeking clarification before disagreeing? What would happen if I build on salaries, ideas rather than just know that WAAS idea is my build on it. I get it moving in my direction on. Then look a difference, a suggested on screen between carefully suggesting rather than more forcefully, perhaps proposing. Unless, of course, that's what you actually want to do because sometimes proposing something will solicit other people's objections. That's what you want do then obviously your monitoring behavior, another's by putting a message across in a particular way but allowing that Donald to seek out solutions to problems. So I hope there's a few thoughts and ideas they're gone through very quickly. No apologies for that. That's what Aquino serious is about to give you that bite size bits and pieces they last thing to think about is see if you can spot behaviors in other people. The differences between proposing suggesting for the difference between those people see no outright or just say well, it won't work because look at the number of times people seek clarification before coming up with opinion or confusion. Look at her bills on other people's ideas because if you want an idea to be carried by a group of people, you may turn to some people that you know, a lot more like build on it rather than just saying, Look at those nonverbal signals as well in your pick up quite a lot about what's going on in others on difference between leaning forward, he says, getting forward to the camera or leaning back in my squeaky chair on putting my arms folded and down. So very obviously there, of course. But spoke What's going on in those people? So there we go, quite a lot going on between your observations and so forth on all that determines whether you are actually able to govern. What's going on in the work that you have a lot of problems I think most of us have with listening is that we Yeah, we think we're good listeners. Plenty. Research suggests that not my research results done across the world, that most people think they're very good listening, but probably about 5% actually any good at being able to get those get on to what I would be saying. Listen, because one of the reasons for this we're going to be more detail is that we listen to reply rather listen to understand. So I would like to explore just briefly various levels. Listen when you'll see that we really work, work quite hard on my listening to understand what's going on because we could just have plays dies, I said. Help do watching this program online. Don't have delays die rippling on again? Yes, there. No, dear. Three back. Full bear. The auto response is the next level. We are some sort here. If you could repeat the last few words, then you probably have been missing a little bit more. But can you repeat what they said two or three minutes ago? I think a higher level of listening. You can ask questions that person to that information that demonstrates you picked up on some of it but haven't got. Make sure we will play the The Chinese whispers gain passing on information around the room to see what changes this thing's going on. You can tell somebody else the information feeling accurately determines with your listing, and a lot of people may be able to ask questions when I actually have until somebody else actually what was saying? I think the final level of listening is you actually teach somebody else the information get right completely. So the levels of listening that we have are also very, very important. So the degree to which were listening to understand I think we must therefore listen with the mind. There's a picture about brain and how it's it's coping. There's four key areas that we should think about here. We're listening the mind they want to be able to draw, draw people out by asking open questions, searching exploratory questions, finding out a bit more detail, close questions for confirmation, the paraphrasing. So from what you just said, I understand that. Then you're able to feedback personal, keeping an open mind, not thinking Oh God, here he goes again. Oh, banging on all about how the I t system doesn't work but actually not claims to things. And also to be very aware of body language, we could project what a bit about degree to which we are listening to somebody else with better listening. Then, of course, where it will respond appropriately. So conversation is listening to understand and responding accordingly, rather listening, so that you could put your point across about picking up because if not, we can end up with quite difficult sets, behaviors So let's have a look at some difficult and aggressive behaviours to finish off this session in Siris. What's it all about? Well, I think this is the case. People are not difficult, but their behavior might be. That's quote that. I've used a lot because I didn't think that there's much you could do about the people that you work with, the all the people you work with, the your supervisor, the appears staff, colleagues, all those sorts of things. And you want to deal with the characters that you have. These clients all you have to do a deal with their behavior. That may have meant they got into a situation to turn to you for help. Support solve their problem, where we are not in a position to transform people. So how do we explain this? Well, I think it's worth exploring this. It was presented to May in this way, as three layers roll like an onion. Copy it down if you want to answer some thoughts and ideas as I explain it, by the time we get to a five year old, he or she is pretty well got their core values. They about themselves and about situations. They understand the relationship with more senior people, their parents, their carers, their nursery nurses there, kindergarten friends and so forth. On the outside of that, then called values, expressed in terms of their attitude to foods, attitude to work, getting other people, that plane are sharing their beliefs about things we don't see that you don't know what my attitude is. You don't know what my legs are about. Various things in society you can do is to see and hear and watch my behaviors. So if I'm obliged to behave in a particular way that sums of dissident core values, then there is that tension that occurs. So if you're listening to understand the behaves, find out exploring some of the examples gave earlier about controlling people's behaviors to understand what those beliefs and attitudes are, then we can deal with those behaviors. Communications have therefore to be assertive Wendy with those. So what are assertive communications where we are not getting stressed? Well, I think there's three very straightforward steps, obviously a lot more in the notes. He got extraordinary detail. First of all is to listen and knowledge that you've heard understood the other person you that you are able to put across that you can ask questions about. If you put across more information, then express clearly calm your own position. Having understood theirs is make a positive, constructive suggestion about could or would she should happen next. So assertive communications is not about pushing them in a particular direction. It is not about giving in. It's a middle ground, being able to understand somebody else's point of view to explain what is on your mind clearly calmly your own free. This makes me say what you're saying is making the Zags not. I don't like what you said. What you're saying has made me feel this way. I feel better if we constructive suggestions. So what have we come in here? Well, I hope you find we've covered quite a lot to do with this. Something about communications. Modeled communication from mental Ziff Communications pounders been together looked at some of those models off ego states, the way people think, feel behave. We've been able to use that as a way of exploring what we say, and the reaction would like to get one explorer in more detail. This detailed notes were able to listen more effectively and then get our message across much more assertively. Well, I've enjoyed exploring this subject with you. I hope you've enjoyed it, too, and I look forward to chatting with you very soon on the next part. Off the Keeper. Siri's from datable. So it's Mac Guy signing off. Thanks very much for listening, and I'll see on the next program Bye for now.