Hello, My name is John Trim, boss, and welcome to proof reading Part two. So in proof reading, Part One, which I imagine probably watched, if you're looking at this, then we looked at some basic principles for effective proof reading. And then we did some introductory exercises, based largely around grammar and spelling, but also highlighting a couple of business writing conventions like, for example, how to spell inquiry or inquiry in context and use of capital letters to describe titles within organisations and things like that. So this session is now a follow on that will look at things in a in a slightly more advanced way. So we will click through to something that, uh, amused me a few years ago. But just to remind you of the learning outcomes eso. The idea is that you should be able to pre freed legal business documents by comparing passages knowing went to consult a dictionary, identify incorrect missing or surplus punctuation marks, and we looked at apostrophes in particular in part one. But also placing of commerce identified errors of consistencies in different times, spellings or capitalization or not, as the case may be, grammatical errors of agreements in complex sense and structures will look at more of that today actually identified presentation errors and directed identified errors so onwards and upwards, as they say this'll. Somebody showed this to me years ago and I can't honestly remember who. But this is a fictional letter to somebody who, coincidentally, is called John. But it was not intended for me. And you will see from this slide and the next lies that both versions of the latter contained exactly the same words on ent in exactly the same order. That's the punctuation is different. Punctuation marks have been moved around and it totally changes the meaning of the letter. So this is a dear John letter part one. It's thesis, the nice letter. This is a letter that conveys warmth and affection. So it goes, Dear job, I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you admit to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I yearn for you. I have no feelings. What? So over when we're apart, I could be forever happy. Will you let me be yours? Julian? That's Nice, isn't it? I mean, to be honest Noticias effort recently a lesser or indeed an email or a text. This is even remotely resemble us. But it would be nice if something has this one. Those is very different. And you will see that it's got the same words in the same order. But the punctuation has been changed and moved around. So this one is not so much. Dear John, I want a man who knows what love is all about. You are generous, kind, thoughtful people who are not like you and meat to being useless and inferior. You have ruined me for other men. I knew for you. I have no feelings whatsoever. When were opposed, I could be forever happy. Will you let me be yours, Jr? Yes, Not so nice. Nobody's ever written me anything quite like that's actually to be fair as wells, that is quite a quite a blessing. Now that is obviously very tongue in cheek. But you can see how moving punctuation around changing punctuation can have profoundly changed the meaning of the passage of writing. But you know, more seriously in excess. In part one, the exercise we did about apostrophes, the apostrophe going before or after the S does fundamentally change the meaning of the sentence. Now, that was obviously not entirely dreams. Life. This is a good example, though this really shows you have to watch out for placing of commerce in in particular. So in part one, we focused on the apostrophe. Now we're going to focus on the placing off the comma because commerce in English are largely discretionary. And putting in a coma or north, as the case may be, can actually have quite a profound effects on the on the interpretation of the sentence. Now, what is in front of you now is a contract laws. This is version one. It's very wordy. I would personally split it up into two sentences, actually, uh, well, come onto that. But if you throw this into a room full of lawyers the way that it's punch waiting now, thank you. You will always tend to get a space opinion. So at the moment it goes, the agents shall be entitled to commission at the rate of 15% of the commission received by the agency on all transactions concluded by the agent, which actually complete last. The agent is in the employment of the agency. Now the question which I often lob into a room full of people, is Well, have a look at this. And then I say, imagine that you are the agents. So the agency's you. You conclude the negotiations off deals and negotiate a deal. But then you get head, hums it, and you leave you resign, you leave, you start a new job somewhere else. And after you started your new job, that's last deal that you negotiated finally completes. So then completion takes place in the formal legal sense. But you've now gone. So the question then is, Are you as the agents are, you entitles your 15% commission on that last deal. And generally, if you throw that into a room full of lawyers, you'll tend to get a split opinion. Most people say no, but a significant minority say yes, you can get your 15% because if you look at this version two now, in the minds of many readers, if you send which phrase between two commerce banter is exactly the same airs for what's on the screen in front now to parentheses like that eso the agent gets commission. That's the rate of 15% commission received by the agency on all transactions concluded by the agent, which actually complete whilst the agent is in the employment of the agency. If you read the two commas is performing exactly that function that you can see on the screen now, then I would say there's an arguable case to say Yes, you can get your 15% because we change Lee complete. It's like a standalone, overarching idea, you know it's not, you know, as long as it completes whenever it completes, then you you are entitled to your 15% commission. Now let's imagine his part. Three. Let's imagine that we dictated times out version one, and then we look back it it's pretty freed and we thought, Oh, no, actually, that's that's wrong. We didn't mean that a part of that. That second comma there was type we didn't mean that. So we take it out now, look at the sentence again. The agent shall be entitled to commission a rate 15% commission received by the agency on all transactions concluded by the agents comma pause, which actually complete whilst the agents in the employment of the agency. So if there is no second comma, then if you ask a room full of lawyers, can you get your 15% commission on the basis that you've negotiated? But then you leave. He resigned. Then you leave before formal completion takes place. Then the unanimous answer tends to be No, you can't, because without the second comma there, if there is nothing at all after word complete, then it finishes which actually complete wealthy agents in the employment of the agency. So without the second comma, completion must take place when you're still in the employment of the agency. But of course, you know, because you've left and started a new job somewhere else. So that sent second common totally throws the castle. And among the pigeons it completely destroys the clarity of that. Santon's eso you have the world part three that you've got in front of you. If you do mean what he says. They're just about works personally. If I were drafting this is a contract laws. I'm I would split it up into two actually, So I would have sentence one. The agent shall be entitled to commission a rate of 15% commission received by the agency on all transactions completed by the agents. And then I would actually put in a full stop. And then in a second separate sentence, I would jump one way or another on the second issue. So sentenced to would either say completion must take place while the agencies in the employment of the agency, if that's what you actually mean or the version two would be completion must take place within six months of the agent leaving the agency which have will jump on that second issue. So treat commerce with extreme caution, quite frankly so. In part one, we also looks ants, grammatical issues and we looked and spelling some things like that. So here is the essential checklist. So sentence structure. We looked at the sentence there, and depending on whether or not that was the second comma, then you know, it could mean one or two different things. Grammar, obviously I mean everything that you write in business must be a proper grammatical sentence, or it's potentially not gonna make sense. Punctuation, commas and apostrophes in particular make sure that they are comprehensively uncertainties. And in the right place spelling and usage. Of course. Now Spellchecker does pick up Maced spelling typos, I suppose. But of course, bearing minds, all the stuff we looked at in part one because there are certain words like principal, discreet, an inquiry and so on, which showed can be spelt in in different ways and have different meanings. And they are all proper words. But they are. They may not necessarily be the right words. Spell Checker is very limited. Use their capitalisation well in contracts in legal documents. If something is capitalized, as it defined term, then of course it has a special meaning within the document. And then it has to be capitalized consistently. But also, as we saw in part one, titles within organizations like director or partner. They could be capitalized or not, as the case may be in the same applies to department names you can choose. You can upper case the more lower case that they're both acceptable, but you have to choose. You have to be consistent about it, numbering and tabulation, anything of a numerical nature being cross referencing or number sequencing, close numbering, so just double check it quite different. Double check it just to be on the safe side. Say, if you're saying that something is subject to another close for another document or something, make sure the cross references correct. They have been negligence cases against law firms arising out of misplaced decimal points in a number of things like that. So double check anything of American nature and consistency generally because, of course, some words can't be spelled different ways. I mean, generally, anybody watching this program, I imagine you're going to be using UK English spellings. I do a lot of work with a couple of transatlantic law, mainly for their mountain offices. I'm certainly one of them. They have started this. If a document is to be read purely within Europe, then they use UK spellings. But if it's going to be read father of fields like in America or possibly Asia, then they use American in your spelling, so their staff have to know both versions of words. And of course you have to choose. You have to be consistent about it. Just as an example, though, about how language changes and develops all the time. Traditionally, in this country in this country, we have always felt advise legal adviser with PR, and in America, they always favorite advise or with an O. R. But I see I see base in this country or all the time. I know for a fact that City University here in London at the careers advisers, the nameplates on door says it finds Rs. If you look at the name plates outside firms of transferred and said, my accountants, very often you see chartered accountants and tax advisers will. Half the name plates are, er half the nameplates. Soas faras on concerns both spellings of Advisor are equally Palatine English because language does change into available time. But of course you have to choose. You have to choose and you have to be consistent hidden horrors, which we looked at heart one. But I'm just going to go repeat them because they are so important. So small words doubled up letters, substitution of little little letters on so you go to work on transposition of words, letters, closing quotation marks, prefixes, suffixes, numbering and so on. The's tend to be were all the most niggly Little Horror's Tim said to my hidden. So double check for those and then a bit of extra advice. Really Old technique, Really, Which is? Well, no one. Make the text strange to yourself, as they say, Try and put some distance between the text and you because what I'm sure you have found, actually in practice is that if you're the author of a document, you've actually compose something very often. You see what you wanna see rather than Morty of actually time, So get niggly little errors or inconsistencies or something. You tend to miss those because you consider with trees and yeah, sometimes it may be worth getting somebody. Disinterest is to to have a look. Look at it with fresh I. But if you don't have that luxury, then puts a distance yourself from the tax idea. Leave it over night. Look at it early in the morning with a fresh eye, or even if you just can go away, get a cup of tea, stretch your legs a bit to go back with fresh. I then do to him to see these things that you wouldn't have seen before. If you're proof reading in a document, particularly a lengthy document, read it aloud, actually set. Say it's yourself and also where it is often reckoned to be good. If you actually touch the page with your finger with your pen, just go on your every word. Just say the word soft into yourself. So you'll remember from part one horror story that I told you about my pensions law friends Once it's a sentence to say this shed yule shall not apply in certain circumstances. What was time was this schedule show now applying with not supply. So if you have to proof read on your own, say the words to yourself, and if you find yourself so not instead of now you know there's something wrong. Definitely read slowly and concentrates more haste, less speed to try and find a quiet place. Actually, if you're in a busy open plan office where there are lots of distractions, see if you can find a spare conference room, for example, or quiet space like just tell people that you're not going to be a disturbance in the next half hour or hour or however long it's going to take. The world is not going away. If you go off the radar offering general, too, check headings which love people. Just forget to do. Check the numbering system. Check for so called widows and orphans. The widow is a heading or subheading right down the bottom of the page, with nothing under it profoundly silly. And then the orphans of the text on the next page. So pushing the page break bounced the next page. Use understandable marks for secretaries when you're marking up documents in in hard copy ends, it is customary to double space draft documents because they're easier tomorrow cup with a pen, but also easier for secretarial staff to read and interpret what you're trying Teoh do the amendments you're trying to make. Check all the boiler plating stuff, the standard form stuff that you tend to get into a lot of a lot of standard form contracts. Very often the emphasis stones and words it, but there will be alternatives that you have to be confused. So, for example, if there is an alternative dispute resolution clause, then you might have to choose between a mediation or an arbitration or something like that. So you got a knockout one shoes the other, although maybe blanks, like if there is a notice clause oppresses for services of former notices from one party to another when you've got a fillip dresses and things like that. And certainly I heard one experience a major national, often told that they had actually completed it a transaction. And the next morning somebody just noticed that nobody had proofread the boiler placing stuff. There are all these on ticked options, blanks and things like that. The whole thing was potentially avoidable for uncertainty. So they have to go back to clients on the other side and say, Sorry, we rectify the documents, which is starkly embarrassing us for numbering read aloud digit by digit. And also a lot of people find that if you take a ruler or some kind of flat edge and they place it on the paper, then they just push it down like a line by line that helps them to slow down to concentrate. A lot of people feel very nervous or self conscious about that kind of thing because they think it looks a bit naughty. But just don't worry, you know, if it works for you and there is absolutely fine, I have no compunction about that open plan office whatsoever to ensure accuracy right, we have covered all of the principles. This is a horrible test. Nobody, in my experience in face to face sessions has ever gotten is entirely right. So if you miss some stuff, do not be too hard on yourself. But if you do spot the majority of these things, then I reckon you doing pretty well. So this is the first rough test text, which is full of errors. I'm going to read it through fairly slowly. You grab it and Notre alot of the errors and there are typing errors. There are spell spending errors. There's punctuation issues are there's consistency issues and a couple of business writing conventions as well, which one of which I have mentioned. I think you should knows you says the world body into this test. Okay, so take a deep breath. Management wants to introduce new measures to combat the noticeable increase in sick leave. The average annual number of sick days has risen from 5 to 10 which has seen us a considerable embarrassment to new HR director. But I wonder if the responsibility should late toast with her. And even if management does agree whose responsibility the problem is, they also have a separate and justified concern that any action taken should be carefully considered. Meanwhile, although the employees are hoping for decent pay rise, it's likely that they're going to be disappointed. The CEO Oh's arguments is that they got one last year and there's been no corresponding improvement in performance, so he's not prepared to consider it on the rise, he said. The pay Ross has had the opposite effect. People have become more lethargic since we started paying more. However, other board directors might feel that higher pay will accelerate performance well, that will take time. Whatever happens with regards to pay rises, principal pose here is that it's time to board announced its decision. The uncertainty is affecting soft Moreau less people than expected. A supporting company events is there's a general feeling that the responsibility for making these events a success is no okay, I'm sure you will have Sports is more than half of the areas. Some of them are pretty obvious. But some of them notes. Actually, there are some little little stinkers here. So anyway, let's let's have a look. This is the corrected version like us says, if you don't spot absolutely everything. Don't be too hard on yourself. Starting at the top, management wants to introduce new measures to converse, the noticeable with the increase in sickly. So it's a soft see there, isn't he, after see Noticeable? A spelling error, which actually spell check would pick up. Now moving on to citizens to the average annual number of sick days has risen from 5 to 10. Which puts us a word and then a coma because it is quite a long sentence, and I think it really does help the charity there Comma, which is seen as a considerable embarrassment. With two hours to the new HR director, cable pulls there 5 to 10. The General Convention for Numbering in Business is that numbers 1 to 10 you writers words 11 and above you. Writers figures 11 would be 11 Now it's offending loose convention. So, for example, if you and you can break this so if you're starting a sentence with a number like if the sentence started, 20 companies will be involved in a merger. I would write 20 Yes, sir. As the words North 20 and also time. If a clock is understood. So we're going at five. We're going 12. Drive those words, but that also there are certain things that I would always write his numbers, like close numbering, section numbers, remix apartments, dates and times. So So So it's a fairly loose convention, and you can break it. How about I would write 10 words here? Then we have a coma than embarrassment. Has two Hours HR director. If that is her title, which I imagine it is that you can jump one way or the other on capital, there's capitalization. You can capitalize the day of director, or you can leave it in case they are both acceptable. But you have to choose, and you have to have to be consistent. Now this next sentence things may shock you, but according Teoh, the Oxford University Press grammar guarding his perfect acceptable to start a sentence with but and indeed the world. And there is no grammatical reason against it, which may shock you. You may decide it's a bit journalistic appropriate for business documents. Anyway, there's nothing wrong. No, it should be other. I wonder if the responsibility should nae chastely with her, and then it ends with a full stop because that really is the statements, I wonder, wondering if lies you know where to something lie. Lay is owning up what you do to something else, and you're not laying responsibility or somebody else. So lay is when you do something to somebody else, likely the table or if they're refit office, they made flooring. If you'll say where does something lie? Or if you need to go in my doubt, what you do to yourself, it is late. No next sentence is a tricky one, because there is another couple of issues, but there is a business writing convention here. It starts even if management does agree whose spelled W H. O. C. Responsibility. The problem is now, it should say it also has a separate justified concern because there is a convention in business writing that collective entities like the management or the board or committee or the partnership or the organization should always be treated as a singular end as well. So, the previous version of the letter said, even if management does agree so on, they also have several justified concerned. And that's wrong. It's not. They tease each. You're treating the management as a collective instigating as well. And you would also in business documents, rides the committee or the board passed its resolution last night, not their resolution. I know there are lots of people on the committee or in the management, but it is a singular body acting together as well. So it also has a it is set raising set pay rates separate and justified concerns. So two dashes there if you send which something between two dashes that is supposed to make you jump house of the reader. So this case was saying the management has a separate hands justified concern that any action should be carefully considered. Eso yeah, either to dashes or or no deck she is, but one dash tress really does work. Venice Paragraph one, paragraph two. Meanwhile, although the employee employees are producing pay rise, it's likely that they are so teaching. Why possibly are going to be disappointed? I would actually tend not to use these abbreviations in business documents or they find free males, but I've just managed to use them. Just throw in some extra typos. Next centers, the CEOs, old humans and argument is not have any in the middle of it is that they got one Oh, any? Where is the original? Said last year, saying so his his argument is that they got one last year comma because it is cross a long sentence and there's been no corresponding improvement in performance. Comma, you really would put in a holster breath there. He's not prepared to consider another rise, he said on Then you should put in a coma there as an introduction. So he said, comma. And then it is. The pay rise has had to be opposite effects rather than effects. FX with me is, may be used as a known, so if you if you see the effects or an effect of something, it's always with his always with FX can. Well, the third could go one way or the other. As we shall see, they're not taken out. The calmer in the next sentence is just People have become more lethargic since we started paying more Accommodate air is over kill really, However, comma there is optional, but it does give a bit more persists. Other board directors might feel tired. Pay will extend their rates, not accept rate, accelerate performance time, Final paragraph. Whatever happens with regard to pay rises. No regards. But regard is just with reference with regard, you can end an email with kind regards or best regards by all means. But in here it is just with regard the Prince of power. No principle with early but the main The principle point here is that it is time. So I t apostrophe s. It's time for board announced its decision. If it belongs to it, it's just I ts not mighty apostrophe s. Just think i t apostrophe s only a means teams like it's time it's up to you now. It's just like his hers. There's ours. Yours. If you end a letter with yours and ceiling, it's just why the arrest isn't strictly there. So that second it's in, the previous version was wrong. It's just I t s decision. Now. The uncertainty is affecting staff morale. So if you are changing or altering something, it's his offense to effort teas, changing stuff. Moreau. If you see effect with me as 1/3 you affect something that means you introduce something new that wasn't there before. So you would say, for example, that firm will effects new HR guidelines for its staff, as in introducing new guidelines. But if you're changing something, focus on the less a think effect means change also. So the uncertainty is affecting stuff. Maral of Morocco has knee on the end. If it's affecting stop morals, there's something very don't you going on fewer people than expected or supporting company events, not less people less is where one thing just shrinks down. So you would say that firms market share is less than it was last year. Because it's just one share, it shrunk. Fewer refers to individual countable items, so fewer people are are supporting company events and in supermarkets. These days, somebody has obviously been on the grammatical place because for years a lot of supermarkets above the quick check out it's used to say six items or less. That's wrong of these days. You do tend to see six items off your on, just in case you're wondering. That is no me, Roger to the head offices of Tesco's so so fewer people than expected of supporting company events. And it should really be in as something it's pans and their ease, so that doesn't need to be a apostrophe there, there's with an apostrophe. There is a general feeling that responsibility for making these events a success is not theirs became that does not need an apostrophe at the end. There's his hers. Its no apostrophe there. So that was rather gruesome and nitty gritty exercise. And probably worse than anything, anything in real life will throw at you. Uh, but it is good to a stretching exercise like that, and I think that these two weapons together cover most of the more gruesome areas of freedom. So to reiterate more haste, speeds work systematically. Find a quiet space printed after a hard copy. Where possible? Yeah, half a dictionary. Grammar guides handy if absolutely necessary. Remember that spell check complete. Trust is 100% of the time, so that brings us to the into the program. Thank you very much for watching. I hope that has been useful. And if you are proof reading something in the not too distant future, then good luck
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